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Artificially Intelligent

Looking back at things a previous version of yourself has written can say a lot about how a person develops. I have gone back and read some of my earlier posts on this blog and I am surprised at how much further I have moved forward in my life as a person. I feel that I can articulate myself much more efficiently and don't rely so much on cliche modes of speech or resorting to using obscenities to punctuate how I feel towards certain things. I have either deleted or reverted a lot of my posts back to drafts because at this point I can't read much of them and not cringe. I have done a lot of things with my life over the last fifteen years since I started this blog. I mainly meant to create it as a mental scrapbook, something I could look back on and maybe be a little proud of. I felt pretty much the exact opposite. I really came off as negative and focusing on things that while being important, I had little or no control over. I have come to realize that the world I live in can ...
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Recent posts

Pandemic

So for the last four to five months the entire world has now fallen victim to a global pandemic. I think at first I really didn't believe that it would become something so serious. I was initially sent home to work remotely, which I really liked but I've had to become very isolated, even more so since I now have been furloughed at my job. I don't know if I will get recalled or not. A lot of businesses have shut down and a lot of the 'experts' are saying that there is going to be a total economic catastrophe that is apparently going to affect everyone in this country and obviously, the world. Once again the Republican establishment in this country, who controls the presidency and the senate have basically refused to admit that there is really even a problem. Last time I checked about 140,00 Americans have died. One hundred and forty fucking thousand. I can't even believe it when I say it out loud. Trump has gaffed this in every way possible, blaming the democrats...
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Just Like Deja Vu

Here we go again. I graduated from college once, got a job did okay for a while, economy collapses lose my job and I end up going back to college to get another degree. I graduate from college, get a job, do fairly okay for a while, global pandemic, civil unrest, inept president, economy collapses. Basically lose job. What in the fuck is actually happening? For starters, I feel like I have made some really dumb mistakes in life. I know I did not do things the way that most expect after high school. I hated the thought of being just like everyone else. I had really high hopes for myself. I guess everyone starts out life this way, thinking that they are always just on the cusp of greatness and that they just need their big break. I had no intentions of ever going to college, ever getting a degree or being what I just thought was a sucker. Just like when I saw 'A Bronx Tale', I felt that working people were idiots. Breaking your back for some boss that doesn't give a shit abou...
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A Day Off

Today I have a day off of work. I have been sick for the last few days and have been in my most recent apartment for almost three days. It is amazing how sometimes even just one day off can do so much to 'catch' up on what you always put off when you are constantly working. It is hard to believe that it has been almost three years already since I graduated, again. Is my life where I thought it would be? Am I already thinking seriously about retirement? I'm still not married and don't have any kids. I think in some ways going to school for so long I got to be really isolated and maybe I actually like it that way. I grew up in  a house with three sisters and things were usually pretty cramped. My younger two sisters almost always had to share a room. I think we struggled a lot as a family growing up, we didn't have much to get by on but usually we did. I did have some sort of feeling that my parents could always pull through, even when things were really bad. Either w...
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I made it

So I finished college, again. I went through almost everything that I thought I would and then some. It's been a few months and I really felt like I needed a break from everything for a while and now things are starting to settle down enough to the point that I can get back to spending a little time here and there updating this blog. I started this a long time ago just because I felt like putting my words down somewhere I could go back and look at it and feel like I can see the progress I've made. At the time when I started writing on this blog I was working at a job I hated and really felt like I was selling myself really short and I needed to get my engineering degree in order to see my full potential. That was almost ten years ago. Like everyone else, I ask myself, where did the time go? I wanted to go to school to become an aerospace engineer in order to make some part of me and the family that is still alive see me as someone that could compare to my grandfather. I k...
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final preparations

I have had the flu the last few weeks so I have been mainly working from home. I have some big things going on with my senior project in the next week so things will be pretty busy. In spite of this I have had a lot of time to sort through my thoughts and start getting ready to move out of where I'm living and have everything in place for when I'm done with my degree. As I've stated already, I'm really glad this is happening and it will bring a long, crazy chapter of my life to a close. I guess the one thing that surprises me the most is how I had to make such huge sacrifices and force myself to commit to something that I didn't even really think I could do. Now that it is almost over I look back and feel that sometimes it really wasn't that bad. Could I do it over again? I'm not really sure. If I knew what I know now, I probably could have done it a lot quicker and easier but there was no way for me to really know what I was in for. I didn't know I wo...
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It's almost over

So I'm sitting here, almost finished with my degree that I set out forever and a day ago to finish. When I started, I was incapacitated because of a knee injury that forced me to have surgery and could barely get around. I went to my first classes on crutches. I had lost about everything that I owned and was living at home with my parents. I had no idea if I would ever finish but it seems like I'm actually going to finish. I have to say without a doubt, the time that has elapsed since that day I started going back has been absolute hell. The stress and anxiety from all the money problems, family problems and the entire debacle of going to Oklahoma State that almost ended everything for me has definitely taken it's toll. I live pretty much in a shitty situation, with pretty shitty people because I moved to a big city with not a lot of money while trying to make it through school. I realize now how lucky I was before I lost my job. I had no money problems, plenty of friends ...
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