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Pandemic

So for the last four to five months the entire world has now fallen victim to a global pandemic. I think at first I really didn't believe that it would become something so serious. I was initially sent home to work remotely, which I really liked but I've had to become very isolated, even more so since I now have been furloughed at my job. I don't know if I will get recalled or not. A lot of businesses have shut down and a lot of the 'experts' are saying that there is going to be a total economic catastrophe that is apparently going to affect everyone in this country and obviously, the world. Once again the Republican establishment in this country, who controls the presidency and the senate have basically refused to admit that there is really even a problem. Last time I checked about 140,00 Americans have died. One hundred and forty fucking thousand. I can't even believe it when I say it out loud. Trump has gaffed this in every way possible, blaming the democrats once again for some sort of hoax that he believes was merely an attempt to smear him and ruin his reputation. As though he hasn't done enough of that already on his own.

The hardest part for me is just not knowing what is going to happen. Once again I am out on my ass, without a job after going back to college and getting my bachelors degree. So again, a global catastrophe that could have been avoided has basically landed back at square one. Another economic downturn, another 'recession', another situation that I couldn't have seen coming. I am 41 years old and I'm starting to feel as though there is really nothing I'm ever going to be able to do that will allow me to secure a future for myself. Is there a silver lining here? Am I supposed to really find a way to rebuild my life, once again and remain 'positive' in the midst of a global calamity?

I try not to drink. I am trying really hard to stay sober but a lot of the things that help with that are now gone. I can't go to Jiu Jitsu or Yoga class. Nothing is really open and there really just isn't much to do. There is only so much of reading books and practicing the drums and watching TV that I can take. It is starting to get really difficult not to get bored. All of this coupled with the anxiety that someone I know might end up catching this virus and getting sick. Worst case scenario, someone I know ends up dying from it. A lot of Americans still think it's just a hoax, don't want to believe that it is real and literally ignore the very simple preventative measures that should be in place to stop it from spreading. Protests have been organized. People have formed alliances in order to retaliate against the government or anyone that tells them just to wear a face covering or mask, which a lot of experts say is a simple measure that could bring it under control. But no that's taking away their 'liberty', as though we really have that much freedom to begin with. Trump has done wonders for racists in this country. The Black Lives Matter movement has been getting a lot of attention and there are all kinds of demands being made. Some think defunding the police is the way to go. Others want autonomous zones where there is basically anarchy and self policing which any sane person will tell you never works. Police brutality against minorities has always been a problem and as a minority myself, I know the problems my own people have had with it. My own government deliberately tried to wipe my race off of the earth in order to fulfill their version of manifest destiny. The racial tension right now is palpable.

I try pretty hard to think of the good things I have had in my life. I just want to share that with other people, I just never realized it would be so fucking difficult. It is hard not to lose faith in the country that you were born in. The United States has lost it's credibility. Our citizens don't believe in science or fact anymore. Intelligence is frowned upon. Having a logical, rational frame of mind is no longer of any use. The gut instinct and impulsive reactions now rule the decision making process in all levels of government. Will we ever regain our sense of reason?

I don't know how long this thing is going to last. I have no idea how far this country is going to fall before we finally slam into the ground.

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