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Just Like Deja Vu

Here we go again.

I graduated from college once, got a job did okay for a while, economy collapses lose my job and I end up going back to college to get another degree.

I graduate from college, get a job, do fairly okay for a while, global pandemic, civil unrest, inept president, economy collapses. Basically lose job. What in the fuck is actually happening?

For starters, I feel like I have made some really dumb mistakes in life. I know I did not do things the way that most expect after high school. I hated the thought of being just like everyone else. I had really high hopes for myself. I guess everyone starts out life this way, thinking that they are always just on the cusp of greatness and that they just need their big break. I had no intentions of ever going to college, ever getting a degree or being what I just thought was a sucker. Just like when I saw 'A Bronx Tale', I felt that working people were idiots. Breaking your back for some boss that doesn't give a shit about you or spending your whole life working for a company that can lay you off or fire you for any reason. I knew the game was rigged anyway, why be a part of it?

Instead I wanted to make music, I wanted to go to parties, drink, get stoned and fuck my girlfriend. I honestly didn't care about anything else. I have to say, I had a lot of fun. Probably didn't take my life in a good direction but I really didn't ever get why I should be thinking so far ahead. Buying a house, retirement, kids, life insurance. Those were things I never, ever wanted to think about. I guess now I realize that there is some merit to thinking about those things, putting money away, saving for a rainy day, have some sort of retirement plan if you can. Most of my friends that I was hanging out with I think also felt the same way, we're rejects. Society is not kind to people like us and people are always going to look down on us anyway, who cares if I end up driving a BMW? Does it matter if I own a prefabricated mini mansion in an overpriced neighborhood?

I think over time no matter how hard you try, you can't avoid the heard. The forces around you are usually so much bigger and more powerful, the torrent is going to take you with it whether you like it or not. I did everything I think most people expect though, I settled myself down enough to actually go to school. So I did, twice. Now I can see that even getting the stamps of approval from society we all need to survive, you're still at risk. All the time. You never know what might happen.

So in the midst of this global catastrophe I still have to figure out where I am supposed to be now. I've been trying to spend my time doing things I like musically and learning on how to become a pro in the audio field as well. I have a good background for it and it could possibly be another source of income at some point but the entire music industry right now is on lockdown because of COVID.

I'm going to start updating this more. I think right now I need to.

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