The Gauntlet

Today I have thought about my life over the last few years. I keep thinking about how tired I am sometimes, and how the days constantly keep flowing, one into the next and how I so easily lose track. The summertime has come around again, and I thought about being a kid when summer always represented the complete lack of any responsibility, and how we could spend day after day not having to worry about anything. I miss those times, because now I can't even sleep at night because I have to think about how I'm going to get through tomorrow.

I told myself that I have to give myself a little credit sometimes, for getting through the things I never thought I could have done. I had a long recovery from my knee surgery and it is something that I do not have to think about much anymore. I thought again about what it would be like this year at my Grandmother's house. We spent the fourth of July there sometimes and it had been so long since I had thought about her I almost forgot that she had died.

I have also learned lately to just let go of things. I know that sometimes the world is not going to be fair to me, and just to accept that and stop being so goddamn angry with the ignorance that I constantly face. I know that I will always feel like a stranger in a strange land and that no one will ever be able to completely understand how I feel.

I've run the Gauntlet and I think I'm ok. I don't feel as tired as I thought.