Today I have a day off of work. I have been sick for the last few days and have been in my most recent apartment for almost three days. It is amazing how sometimes even just one day off can do so much to 'catch' up on what you always put off when you are constantly working. It is hard to believe that it has been almost three years already since I graduated, again. Is my life where I thought it would be? Am I already thinking seriously about retirement? I'm still not married and don't have any kids. I think in some ways going to school for so long I got to be really isolated and maybe I actually like it that way. I grew up in a house with three sisters and things were usually pretty cramped. My younger two sisters almost always had to share a room. I think we struggled a lot as a family growing up, we didn't have much to get by on but usually we did. I did have some sort of feeling that my parents could always pull through, even when things were really bad. Either way, I never felt that I ever had any privacy until I finally was able to live alone.
Since then I have learned a lot about myself. When you live in a crowded and chaotic household you don't spend a lot of time thinking about organizing anything in your life because it's going to get tossed upside down five minutes later. It's futile. I have only recently realized how much extra time I have now that I can organize my entire life. This is something I never got to experience but I am now also facing another sobering reality, that is that I'm 40 and need to start thinking about what I plan to do with the rest of my life. I have spent a lot more time than usual thinking about where I've been over the last 40 years. It amazes me how just 20 years ago seems like nothing. Every time I have moved, I've had to lighten the load. So I have to go through all my belongings and decide what I really don't need at all. I have done so much of it now it's gotten to a lot of the lighter things like old paperwork. I cleaned out old medical bills, lawyer receipts, settlement documents, a ticket for drinking in public, emergency room bills, surgical procedure statements. All the numerical representations of what I have gone through in basically my whole adult life. Most of it was useless so it got shredded and tossed. Getting some time to actually spend to myself and having time to myself is something I think everyone should experience. I love being around people and love music and conversation but I think that having time alone can be very beneficial to finding some everyday solace. It allows me time to think about how I should react to certain situations if they arise. I can analyze the possibilities of the things I do and how it's going to impact other people. I can be a less impulsive person than I used to be. I think that sometimes being alone and living by myself would be a little dark and depressing and I could see how some people might think that. I like to think that living alone gives me the space to think aloud and be free from negativity.
Maybe I will start writing here again. It was fun while I actually used to update this thing sporadically but I know that even as I write this, I still think I don't have any readers?
Since then I have learned a lot about myself. When you live in a crowded and chaotic household you don't spend a lot of time thinking about organizing anything in your life because it's going to get tossed upside down five minutes later. It's futile. I have only recently realized how much extra time I have now that I can organize my entire life. This is something I never got to experience but I am now also facing another sobering reality, that is that I'm 40 and need to start thinking about what I plan to do with the rest of my life. I have spent a lot more time than usual thinking about where I've been over the last 40 years. It amazes me how just 20 years ago seems like nothing. Every time I have moved, I've had to lighten the load. So I have to go through all my belongings and decide what I really don't need at all. I have done so much of it now it's gotten to a lot of the lighter things like old paperwork. I cleaned out old medical bills, lawyer receipts, settlement documents, a ticket for drinking in public, emergency room bills, surgical procedure statements. All the numerical representations of what I have gone through in basically my whole adult life. Most of it was useless so it got shredded and tossed. Getting some time to actually spend to myself and having time to myself is something I think everyone should experience. I love being around people and love music and conversation but I think that having time alone can be very beneficial to finding some everyday solace. It allows me time to think about how I should react to certain situations if they arise. I can analyze the possibilities of the things I do and how it's going to impact other people. I can be a less impulsive person than I used to be. I think that sometimes being alone and living by myself would be a little dark and depressing and I could see how some people might think that. I like to think that living alone gives me the space to think aloud and be free from negativity.
Maybe I will start writing here again. It was fun while I actually used to update this thing sporadically but I know that even as I write this, I still think I don't have any readers?
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