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am i right?

I didn't spend my holiday time with my family this year. I did this for many reasons, but most of the time I really don't feel like I have much of a connection with those around me. I have always felt as though I was something that was always seen, but never understood or really even questioned. My parents have told me that they think I am completely delusional, and that I have a very angry attitude towards the world around me. I don't think that I'm an angry person, in fact, I tend to get a lot less angry about things that really seem to piss a lot of people off. I do however, have a very deep mistrust of the institutions and policy that I'm forced to live in on a day to day basis. I don't think anyone who knows me feels as though there is any kind of mystery as to why I feel the way I do. We live amongst injustice everywhere we go, and people are less and less concerned with the atrocity that is happening all around us. I know that I can't alone change all the wrongs in the world and make them right, but the least I can do is acknowledge that they are there, and that they really exist.

My Mom thinks I'm just an angry and hurt person, I think that she feels as though I am self loathing, and that I view myself as being some sort of wounded soul. I admit that sometimes the world around me can really scare me, but I think that there are still a lot of wonderful things to be seen and I place more value on those types of things than ever. I don't have lots of friends. I don't need lots of friends, I put much more value having a few people that have a genuine concern for me. That is pretty much the reason why I spent my first Christmas and New Years away from my family, I guess in a lot of ways they thought that I was doing this to be simply vindictive. I wish a lot of times that things were a lot different, but I know well enough now that I can't be around my family much anymore. I've spent all the energy I could possibly muster to try to deal with how they will never see or appreciate what I have done with my life. The things that are important to me, and which I spend more of my time doing are completely alien to them. I realize now that this is unrealistic and that I should stop wasting my time hoping that it will happen.

The New Year is here, and I know that once again I will have another year ahead of me filled with lots of hard work. I know that I will do most of it alone, and it will be even harder than last year. I think I'm headed in the right direction.

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