Skip to main content

The Gauntlet

Today I have thought about my life over the last few years. I keep thinking about how tired I am sometimes, and how the days constantly keep flowing, one into the next and how I so easily lose track. The summertime has come around again, and I thought about being a kid when summer always represented the complete lack of any responsibility, and how we could spend day after day not having to worry about anything. I miss those times, because now I can't even sleep at night because I have to think about how I'm going to get through tomorrow.

I told myself that I have to give myself a little credit sometimes, for getting through the things I never thought I could have done. I had a long recovery from my knee surgery and it is something that I do not have to think about much anymore. I thought again about what it would be like this year at my Grandmother's house. We spent the fourth of July there sometimes and it had been so long since I had thought about her I almost forgot that she had died.

I have also learned lately to just let go of things. I know that sometimes the world is not going to be fair to me, and just to accept that and stop being so goddamn angry with the ignorance that I constantly face. I know that I will always feel like a stranger in a strange land and that no one will ever be able to completely understand how I feel.

I've run the Gauntlet and I think I'm ok. I don't feel as tired as I thought.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Just Like Deja Vu

Here we go again. I graduated from college once, got a job did okay for a while, economy collapses lose my job and I end up going back to college to get another degree. I graduate from college, get a job, do fairly okay for a while, global pandemic, civil unrest, inept president, economy collapses. Basically lose job. What in the fuck is actually happening? For starters, I feel like I have made some really dumb mistakes in life. I know I did not do things the way that most expect after high school. I hated the thought of being just like everyone else. I had really high hopes for myself. I guess everyone starts out life this way, thinking that they are always just on the cusp of greatness and that they just need their big break. I had no intentions of ever going to college, ever getting a degree or being what I just thought was a sucker. Just like when I saw 'A Bronx Tale', I felt that working people were idiots. Breaking your back for some boss that doesn't give a shit abou...
Post a Comment
Read more

where we are headed now

So I manage to get to this blog on really sporadic rate right now. Mostly because I used to write this blog because it was one of the ways that I fought off the boredom of having a job I couldn't stand and wasn't really taking me anywhere in life. I've come a long way from there and sometimes I want to stop and think about what I went through and how now I am a much stronger person than I was before. I constantly try to make each day count now, I see even more horrific things on the news everyday and it makes me feel that I'm really lucky that I am pretty well insulated from it. I wonder what it would be like if I wasn't and I was stuck in some place where barbaric things are commonplace. More and more each day I feel like every second I have is a gift and that I should not squander it away doing mundane bullshit that doesn't push me any closer to my goals. I've learned to be much more productive, even though I still have a ways to go when it comes to cont...
Post a Comment
Read more

I made it

So I finished college, again. I went through almost everything that I thought I would and then some. It's been a few months and I really felt like I needed a break from everything for a while and now things are starting to settle down enough to the point that I can get back to spending a little time here and there updating this blog. I started this a long time ago just because I felt like putting my words down somewhere I could go back and look at it and feel like I can see the progress I've made. At the time when I started writing on this blog I was working at a job I hated and really felt like I was selling myself really short and I needed to get my engineering degree in order to see my full potential. That was almost ten years ago. Like everyone else, I ask myself, where did the time go? I wanted to go to school to become an aerospace engineer in order to make some part of me and the family that is still alive see me as someone that could compare to my grandfather. I k...
Post a Comment
Read more