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Ida

When growing up as a young kid I remember every year we would make the journey to my Grandparent's house in Virginia. We would ride in the old station wagon for days to get there, it was pretty uncomfortable with all six of us piled in that old car. I can still remember how excited I would be to finally pull into their driveway, it was pretty much the only time of the year I got to see my Grandparents. Their house was always neat and clean and I remember being somewhat scared and excited at the same time, we always had to be on our best behavior while we stayed there. These were the only times I had to really get to know my Grandmother and Grandfather. We lived so far away that they were never part of my day to day life, and I always wanted to know more about them. Sometimes I wondered how often they thought about me, because I always thought about them. I thought about how much they cared about me, if I was as important to them as they were to me, and how I always wanted to grow up and do something that would make them happy and proud of me. I still don't know very much about my Grandparents, and a few weeks ago my Grandmother left me to be with my Grandfather that died when I was eleven.

I regret now that I didn't really get to know them as well as I should have, but I have always been interested in where they came from. I now think about what kind of person my Grandfather was because he was considered to be a pretty important person who contributed to the space program that put the astronauts on the moon. My grandmother was a typical housewife for the time who was a pretty devout Christian who also had a garden she liked to work in in their backyard. Their house was only surrounded by farms and woods, far from the noisy cities that I grew up near in Massachusetts. I felt that one day I would grow up to be like my grandfather and find a nice wife that would take of me, and how I could live in a small house in the country, far from the ravages of the world that sometimes scares me to death. My grandmother did happen to outlive him for a number of years so I did get some time to find out a little more about the lives they lived and I discovered things about them that I never knew. I always thought my Grandfather was very condescending towards me and I felt a lot of times I disappointed him. I felt scared of him and that I didn't matter much to him, but my Grandmother always made me feel important. I think sometimes she was one of the only people in the world that looked past everything I have always hated about myself and told me she was happy with who I am. I wish more than anything I could have been there when she died, I wish that I could have said something to her that would make her understand how much I would miss her.

I hope that maybe somehow she can still see me, and see what I want to do and where I want to go. It saddens me that everything I am doing in my life now is to make someone happy that isn't there. I will always think about going to that old house in the country as coming home, and how it is a place that I am now going to have to leave behind me. I will miss you forever Grandma.

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